Sometimes the tunnel is so long and dark, that you slowly begin to enjoy the darkness and stop worrying about the light promised in the end. It can well be called as numbing boredom when pain and fear don't pinch and joy is a fable that only speaks through other's stories.
Of late, was tired of the confounding conundrum of emotions that often used to rig through my soul. My five senses worked like an army but every win or loss in life wasn't a celebration or grievance, it was just another moment in passing. Mom had attended the residential retreat at the monastery a fortnight ago that inspired me to pack my bags. More so walking in the dark with closed eyes wasn't an adventure I was enjoying.
I took a call on thursday and reached the monastery with a red bag stuffed with clothes and a soul stifled with silence. This sound of silence was deafening that had to be put to rest.
We were asked to stay away from the vagaries of the world. Phones were strictly banished which meant that for the next four days 'the facebook wall' won't be the writing I would be forced to read. Sometimes it seems that spending time on facebook fools me into believing that I too have a social life. Although most of the very few people I could befriend happened because I was eager to crawl across the wobbly web of social networking, being honestly vocal. And that means not using social networking was closing the box of my mind from which thoughts popped out like the bubbles in a bath tub, always ready to burst.
I decided to find answers in the spirit that people had given names and atheists had refuted. A few of the lessons I bought back from the monastery shall stay with me until the last nail on my coffin is not hammered. I am amused that it took me eons to realize that this was the person I had always wanted to be.
So here goes that list I had scribbled on a sheet of paper on the metro back home.
1) Smile and smile to kill. That curve can straighten anything, absolutely anything in the world.
2) Do not worry about tomorrow. If you can live well through today, the tomorrow shall pass in peace.
3) Give yourself the first place in your life. Self love won't hurt you anyday, it will always stay more faithful than a dog.
4) Washing your own plate and glass and clothes won't belittle you. Neither will standing in a queue kill you of hunger. Discipline is a tough call, not an impossible feat.
5) Every morsel of food that you waste is a sin you commit against humanity. Food should always fill a stomach and not a dust bin. Think twice before gobbling like a glutton. Too much food can make you sick, eat as much as you need. Let us practice giving and not wasting for the sake of all the little children of the world dying of hunger and malnourishment.
6) Forgive to let yourselves free. Grant forgiveness and do not mistake it for apathy. Praying and wishing for the good will of a person who hurt you shouldn't be an act where you cry over the spilled milk. That should set them free from the clutches of ill will that you had been wishing for them, in a fallible moment of mortality.
7) Confess once in a while. If that means not in a confession box and not in front of a priest then atleast to a friend who you think won't spill the beans.
8) Life is too short for regrets. We humans were made to err but let that not be an excuse for you.
9) Do not expect too much from anyone. Let that not make you forget the surprise that might be in store for you someday.
10) Do not worry about the speck in your friend's eye when your own is blinded by a log. We are the best judge for ourselves not for others.
11) Pray to God if you believe in him. A prayer is a conversation with God that won't leave you alone at the crossroads of life.
While fear was black before I entered the gates of the monastery it kept changing colours like a chamaleon. I saw fear turning green with envy and red with anger. Then it turned blue with apathy and finally when I put it to rest it was white.
I was another Rinzu as I ambled out of the gates of the monastery. Someone who had surrendered her arms of arrogance and anger.Someone who had finally learned to give forgiveness not as alms but as a token of thankfulness for lessons she learnt from people who decided to walk out on her.
Of late, was tired of the confounding conundrum of emotions that often used to rig through my soul. My five senses worked like an army but every win or loss in life wasn't a celebration or grievance, it was just another moment in passing. Mom had attended the residential retreat at the monastery a fortnight ago that inspired me to pack my bags. More so walking in the dark with closed eyes wasn't an adventure I was enjoying.
I took a call on thursday and reached the monastery with a red bag stuffed with clothes and a soul stifled with silence. This sound of silence was deafening that had to be put to rest.
We were asked to stay away from the vagaries of the world. Phones were strictly banished which meant that for the next four days 'the facebook wall' won't be the writing I would be forced to read. Sometimes it seems that spending time on facebook fools me into believing that I too have a social life. Although most of the very few people I could befriend happened because I was eager to crawl across the wobbly web of social networking, being honestly vocal. And that means not using social networking was closing the box of my mind from which thoughts popped out like the bubbles in a bath tub, always ready to burst.
I decided to find answers in the spirit that people had given names and atheists had refuted. A few of the lessons I bought back from the monastery shall stay with me until the last nail on my coffin is not hammered. I am amused that it took me eons to realize that this was the person I had always wanted to be.
So here goes that list I had scribbled on a sheet of paper on the metro back home.
1) Smile and smile to kill. That curve can straighten anything, absolutely anything in the world.
2) Do not worry about tomorrow. If you can live well through today, the tomorrow shall pass in peace.
3) Give yourself the first place in your life. Self love won't hurt you anyday, it will always stay more faithful than a dog.
4) Washing your own plate and glass and clothes won't belittle you. Neither will standing in a queue kill you of hunger. Discipline is a tough call, not an impossible feat.
5) Every morsel of food that you waste is a sin you commit against humanity. Food should always fill a stomach and not a dust bin. Think twice before gobbling like a glutton. Too much food can make you sick, eat as much as you need. Let us practice giving and not wasting for the sake of all the little children of the world dying of hunger and malnourishment.
6) Forgive to let yourselves free. Grant forgiveness and do not mistake it for apathy. Praying and wishing for the good will of a person who hurt you shouldn't be an act where you cry over the spilled milk. That should set them free from the clutches of ill will that you had been wishing for them, in a fallible moment of mortality.
7) Confess once in a while. If that means not in a confession box and not in front of a priest then atleast to a friend who you think won't spill the beans.
8) Life is too short for regrets. We humans were made to err but let that not be an excuse for you.
9) Do not expect too much from anyone. Let that not make you forget the surprise that might be in store for you someday.
10) Do not worry about the speck in your friend's eye when your own is blinded by a log. We are the best judge for ourselves not for others.
11) Pray to God if you believe in him. A prayer is a conversation with God that won't leave you alone at the crossroads of life.
While fear was black before I entered the gates of the monastery it kept changing colours like a chamaleon. I saw fear turning green with envy and red with anger. Then it turned blue with apathy and finally when I put it to rest it was white.
I was another Rinzu as I ambled out of the gates of the monastery. Someone who had surrendered her arms of arrogance and anger.Someone who had finally learned to give forgiveness not as alms but as a token of thankfulness for lessons she learnt from people who decided to walk out on her.
2 comments:
Beautiful, i really like your writings, they are both interesting and rooting.
..your experience at the monastery beautifully braided into words..loved this post Rinzu..keep it up :)
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